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Thursday, March 08, 2012

I Am A Great Bird. Ask Me Anything

Hi, everybody. Redyip here. You may know me as the Great Bird of the Gods of Zarcon, or from my Twitter account. (I'm a bird. Why wouldn't I tweet?) I carry your submissions to the Offices of Zarcon, high in the mountains of Zarcon, where the God-Editors of Zarcon choose which articles will be accepted for publication. (Yeah, about those names: the God-Editors are very good at their jobs, but a little unimaginative.)

My part in this season is starting to slow down. The initial rush of submissions are safely delivered to the Offices of Zarcon, which makes them officially Someone Else's Problem. I'm still making regular trips for anyone who wants to get an article in, but the really backbreaking loads, the ones that leave my wings sore and make me wonder why I ever took this gig, those are done with. That leaves me with some free time, and Dan was kind enough to invite me over to give an inside perspective on the submission process.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Wait, what?" Or maybe "AAAA! AAAAGH! GIANT HUNDRED-FOOT BIRD! RAZOR-SHARP CLAWS! AAAAAA! RUN AWAY!" Well, don't worry. I'm not here to eat anybody. Or at least not any prawfs. Law-review editors, now that's a different matter. I love this time of year, because the double boards mean there's plenty of prey, plus they're all completely exhausted, which makes for easy pickings. So you're safe. Anyway, during my visit here, I hope to give you the scoop on the Axe of Rejection, and why it's important to have an odd number of pages in your submission, and what the God-Editors are like after a few drinks.

But today, Dan asked me to start with something that's been on a lot of people's minds: why this year has been so quiet. It's simple but also pretty frustrating. Some total bastard rented a cargo plane and airdropped sixteen thousand copies of his article on the Offices of Zarcon. The place is literally buried in paper. And until Ilmaya flings every single one of those copies down the Stairs of Judgment, one by one, it's brought the regular review process to a near-standstill. You're all just lucky that anything else is getting through at all.

The really sad part is that whoever this psychopath is, he or she didn't even understand that it wouldn't work. It just makes the God-Editors angry. Really angry. They have to go through the process (are you surprised to hear that process is important to the God-Editors? you shouldn't be), but this is one article that's headed straight for the Clown College Law Review, or maybe the Hamburger U. Journal of Condiment Law. So thanks a lot, buddy, for ruining it for everybody else. Everybody else, don't be that guy.

Posted by Redyip of Zarcon on March 8, 2012 at 05:25 PM | Permalink

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Comments

Oh Great Bird Redyip,
Please enlighten us mortals with more of the mythology of Zarcon.
Sincerely, Miriam

Posted by: Miriam Cherry | Mar 9, 2012 3:12:54 PM

Oh, and y'all can chill with the obsequious displays of deference. I know I was insufferable in the 90s about this, always flapping ominously over the faculty-offices wings of law schools until everyone came outside and prostrated themselves in supplication. I let the power get to my head, and I'm sorry about it. It's not a time in my career I'm proud of. But I'm a different Great Bird now, I promise.

Posted by: Redyip | Mar 9, 2012 12:12:54 AM

Oh Great Bird Redyip, my apologies for the impertinence of young Bodie. He means well, but knowest not the powers with which he deals. Please carry on your work of law review goodness.

Posted by: Orin Kerr | Mar 8, 2012 11:29:53 PM

I'm not going to mess with Kerr. That guy's the Chuck Norris of law professors. But c'mon, what's he going to do? I've been doing this since before they invented expedites. In fact, I've been doing this since Ilmaya and Oen had the idea of doing a cert pool for submissions and they put out that classified ad seeking immortal creatures capable of sustained eighteen hour flight with a four-hundred pound load. Do you remember that? No, I didn't think so. All I ask is that if you get rich selling Redyip snuggles, you stake out a few goats for me now and then. Deal?

Posted by: Redyip | Mar 8, 2012 11:05:51 PM

Oh great bird, thank you for traveling from your perch in the mountains of Zarcon to visit us mortals. I do have a question: has Orin Kerr filed any copyright claims? Watch out -- he may come after you when you start licensing Redyip mugs, t-shirts, pencils, towels, action figures, and snuggies. This is going to get pretty big -- remember who your friends are.

Posted by: Matt Bodie | Mar 8, 2012 10:21:56 PM

I think somebody needs a hug! I'd do it myself, but you know, the whole giant bird either smothering or crushing you or clawing you to death thing is kind of a downer. So won't somebody please give Anon NewProf a hug!

Posted by: Redyip | Mar 8, 2012 9:37:40 PM

Submitted Feb 15 to top 50. Quick rejects from a dozen or so of the usual suspects at the top but radio silence from all others. I'm worried that mine is at the bottom of the "we're too busy to read them because we are reading all the expedites that have offers" pile. I'll post a list of rejects tomorrow. Hopefully the list will brighten the day of someone who might still have at shot.

Posted by: Anon NewProf | Mar 8, 2012 9:25:51 PM

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