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Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Part 8 (Final Installment) of the History of the Infield Fly Rule

PART 8: BORN AGAIN (BUT DUMBER THIS TIME)
by Tony D’Amato

We ended our penultimate installment with Bernhard Riemann’s Fundamental Theory of Baseball. In case you’ve forgotten some of the terms, we reprint it here with every single term included for your convenience:


ℜ ♢ = ±9[ϑ-1 us-i du ⇒ Πn=2 ξ(5/4/3)] ≥ ∫0 sin χ (Ξ ≈25) ϕ → ∫∫n=1 b↑ ± (2 + i)

And here is the code that Jimmy cracked:

CODE

ℜ Riemann
♢ Baseball diamond

= Equals
±9 a constant representing number of players on either side
ϑ-1 renormalized value of a given player is 1/9th
us-i average utility to the power of superstition less an imaginary quantity
du first derivative of utility function
Π opposing dugouts
n=2 number of opposing dugouts
ξ around the horn
(5/4/3) explanation of around the horn ( third base to second to first)
∫ curve ball
sin χ sinister pitcher, i.e., left-handed pitcher
Ξ ≈25 roster is more or less than 25 players
ϕ Sign of the Cross Made with Right Hand (forgives venial sins)
∫∫ ball that curves both ways, i.e., screwball
b↑ pop fly ball

To recap, Jimmy’s father Abner Doubleday started a baseball team based on Jimmy’s reverse engineering of the Fundamental Theory. The world mistakenly thought Doubleday had invented the sport. It was one more illustration of the principle that ignorance of history dooms us to repeat it, often at night with the lights on. But history has come back as farce. Now people applaud the homer, although absolutely nothing happens. Indeed, the new game of baseball now consists of waiting around for somebody to do something. It has emigrated to Japan where it has been given a more appropriate name: Basebore. A top secret plan to mollify and subdue the Iraqi population by teaching them baseball was misfiled and lost in former Secretary Rumsfeld’s office at the Pentagon. As for the ball itself, fans will swear that it has become more lively.

Earlier posts:
Part I
Part II
Part III

Part IV

Posted by Administrators on April 3, 2007 at 06:24 AM in Legal Theory | Permalink

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