Self-Help, Satire, and Meat Market (Part 4 of ?)

This is the latest installment of a satire about the meat market and self-help books that I started last week.  Previous installments are here, here, and here.

"When Your Law School Just Won’t Commit"

Well, I have to tell you, Marion, I mean, Ms. Peach, we enjoyed your job talk and many, well, okay, some, of the faculty liked you a whole lot.  But, and, please, don’t be insulted by what I’m about to say, because the last thing that we want to do is hurt your feelings, we’re not sure you’re the “right one.”  I mean, well, you might be.  You’re next on our list for an offer.  Well, actually, technically, you’re a little further down than that.   But, if four people come to an untimely demise in freak accidents, you’ll be next on the list.

Er, weren’t you looking to hire someone permanently when you started this process?  I mean, where else would all this interviewing lead?  You’ve been throwing out a lot of mixed signals. Just at the interview, everyone was telling me how great my job talk was.   

Try to think of it like this, it’s more that we like you, rather than love you.  You see, loving you would mean hiring you permanently, and that’s just too much commitment, and our school just can’t handle that kind of obligation at the moment.  Maybe, sometime in the future, we’ll be ready to make a choice like that.