Wednesday, June 07, 2006
When all else fails, rocks, paper, scissors!
My colleague JB Ruhl sent around this delightful little order from Judge Presnell in the Middle District of Florida. The good judge, who has penned some excellent Blakely/Booker opinions, writes:
Upon consideration of the Motion – the latest in a series of Gordian knots that the parties have been unable to untangle without enlisting the assistance of the federal courts – it is ORDERED that said Motion is DENIED. Instead, the Court will fashion a new form of alternative dispute resolution, to wit: at 4:00 P.M. on Friday, June 30, 2006, counsel shall convene at a neutral site agreeable to both parties. If counsel cannot agree on a neutral site, they shall meet on the front steps of the Sam M. Gibbons U.S. Courthouse, 801 North Florida Ave., Tampa, Florida 33602. Each lawyer shall be entitled to be accompanied by one paralegal who shall act as an attendant and witness. At that time and location, counsel shall engage in one (1) game of “rock, paper, scissors.”
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Best thing for the partners is to send associates if it actually comes down to rock, paper. At least they can take some joy in turning a humiliating exercise into another opportunity to degrade their associates.
Posted by: md | Jun 7, 2006 3:54:40 PM
The judge had no imagination. I would make the lawyers compete in mud wrestling instead.
Posted by: Kate Litvak | Jun 7, 2006 10:33:10 PM
That might make a fine replacement for the whole legal system. Instead of advertising their legal aggressiveness, ambulance-chasing law firms could show off their well-muscled physiques and promise to bite ears hard, early, and often. I call dibs on the first law review article formally modeling the decision to trip or throw mud in the face.
Posted by: Paul Gowder | Jun 8, 2006 12:07:59 AM
I would tell the lawyer involved to take Bart Simpson's advice/strategy to heart: "Good old rock, it beats everything."
Posted by: Joseph Slater | Jun 8, 2006 10:59:38 AM